Writing the College/University Application Essay

Objectives
Student will be able to:
  • identify the necessary elements of a college application essay.
  • demonstrate an understanding of how to write a college application essay.

Introduction
Imagine that you are an admissions officer at a college or university. You are wading through a stack of applications from what appears to be equally qualified candidates—most have good grades and strong test scores; many have participated in sports or school activities; and several have received awards or recognition for one or more accomplishments. What, then, would make one candidate stand out from another? The college application essay.

Many application essays are based on prompts, such as writing about a time when you experienced failure or a time when you challenged an idea. Other prompts include describing a place with special meaning or a moment that changed your life. Whether you are writing an essay from a prompt on a common application or from a prompt designed by a specific college, your essay may be the most important piece of your application. It provides you with an opportunity to set yourself apart from other applicants, and it lets the admissions team know who you are in a way that grades and test scores don't.


Although writing a college application essay may seem like a daunting task, it is really not too different from writing an essay for your English class. Your college application essay should be clearly organized with a beginning, middle, and an end. It should stay on topic, use effective transitions, and be free of any errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Look at the chart below for information that your essay should, and should not, include.


DO:

DON'T:

Spotlight your personality with a funny, moving, or interesting anecdote.

 Discuss uncomfortable topics, brag, or repeat ideas mentioned elsewhere in the application.
Share a story about a personal experience, difficult decision, or life-changing moment. Create a tone that is overly philosophical or dramatic.
Grab your reader's interest early with a unique, attention-getting introduction. Ramble or take too long to get to the point.
Use active language and vivid details. Use clichés or big words that you don't know.
Stay focused on a specific and narrow topic. Try to cover too much information or too many ideas.




Examples
Now let's take a look at a sample college application essay. A student wrote the essay below about a moment that changed his way of thinking about himself and others. To begin, examine the introduction of the essay.
 
A NEW PICTURE
by Jeremy Norris

   If you took a picture from the moment I left for band camp and one from when I returned, there would be two very different men in each photograph. Some might think that such a transformation comes only from finding your first great love or overcoming a tremendous hardship. For me, it was nothing of the sort. Instead, a change in my life and the way I view myself came from the most unlikely of sources—Mike Miller and one moment at Kendall Betts Band Camp.
 
 

1.
In what ways does this introduction immediately pull the reader into the story?
 

Right away, the reader learns that Jeremy, the writer, experiences a change in his life, but what is that change? Readers want to continue reading to answer the questions that they may have. For example, what happened with Mike Miller at band camp that impacted Jeremy so strongly? Reading the rest of the essay is the only way to find the answers to these questions and gain a thorough understanding of who Jeremy is today.


Now read the rest of "A New Picture."



2.
What characteristics of a strong essay does the writer include?
 

You probably noticed a number of techniques that are used to create a strong essay. These paragraphs use active language and vivid details to describe an important event in the writer's life. Moreover, the writer successfully gives the reader an understanding of who he is today-his values, thought processes, and knowledge-without being overly dramatic or philosophical. Lastly, the writer creates a strong ending to his essay. With all of these elements, it is likely that the reader will remember Jeremy amongst all the other applicants. This is just the effect that a college application essay should have.

Try Together
Many colleges and universities ask applicants to write an essay about a person who has influenced them in some way. To see how one student addressed this topic, read the college application essay, "Another Mother." Then answer the questions that follow.
 

1.
What makes the introduction of this essay effective? Write your answer in the box below.
 
Student responses may vary. Acceptable answers include:
  • It grabs the reader's attention.
  • It makes the reader want to know who Caro is.
  • It makes the reader wonder about what happened when the writer first met Caro.
 

2.
Highlight at least three places in the essay where the writer uses active language or vivid details.
 
Student responses may vary. Acceptable answers include:
  • My mother, perfectly coiffed and perfumed, glided into the room where I sat in my play pen.
  • She had curly, soft, red hair and sparkling blue eyes.
  • A smile formed across the edges of her mouth, and she slowly raised her hand to give me a shy wave.
  • she gave us much more than crisp linens and dusted shelves.
  • Caro enticed us indoors with cold butter on warm bread.
  • grubby hands
  • thick Dutch accent
  • stroked my back and wiped away the tears
  • whispered wisdom in my ear
 

3.
This essay includes all of the following except
a. a funny, moving, or interesting anecdote.
b. a tone that is overly philosophical.
c. a focused and narrow topic.
d. a spotlight on who the writer is today.
 
b.   a tone that is overly philosophical.
 

4.
In the box below, list three things that a college application essay should NOT include.
 
Student responses may vary. Acceptable answers include:
  • uncomfortable topics
  • bragging
  • ideas mentioned elsewhere in the application
  • an overly dramatic or philosophical tone
  • cliches
  • big words that you don't know
  • too much information or too many ideas
 

Please evaluate the student's answers:

Excellent

Good

Okay
 

Exhibit Preview Close
    I met Mike on the first day of camp. He walked with a distinct swagger and left an air of pride and conceit in his wake. Although many of the campers disliked Mike for his self-centered and arrogant attitude, I felt a certain kinship with him. After all, we had a lot in common. Like Mike, I was the best of the best. I started trumpet lessons the summer before sixth grade; by seventh grade I was first chair in All County. In eighth grade I was principal trumpet player again. By high school I was the only underclassman to play in the senior band. Although I didn't know it at the time, I wore the same chip on my shoulder that Mike did, a chip that Kendall Betts would soon remove.
   On the first day of camp, Mr. Betts returned all musicians to the beginning of playing their instruments: how to breathe and play a simple etude. Mike scoffed at this assignment. He immediately raised his hand and explained to Mr. Betts that he had already mastered these basic feats. "Wouldn't it be better," Mike asked him, "if I moved on to more difficult tasks?" While the other musicians sighed heavily and rolled their eyes, Mr. Betts only smiled pleasantly.
   "Okay, then," Mr. Betts replied. "Why don't you show the rest of us how it's done?" With a slight wave of the hand, Mr. Betts invited Mike and his instrument to the front of the classroom. 
   Mike confidently put the instrument to his lips and began to play with perfect pitch. But then, it came. Mike made an error in his breathing and the melody squeaked under his fingers. It happened just that fast—in a second or even a fraction of a second. But it was enough. The room fell silent and Mike dropped the instrument from his mouth.
   Mr. Betts looked at Mike directly in the eyes. "Your conduct will not be tolerated at this camp," he said sternly. "Unless you change your attitude, you should consider packing your bags today and going home." 
   I sat in stunned disbelief as Mike crumbled before our eyes. His hands trembled and he blinked back tears as he meekly returned to his seat in the classroom. Mike would never be the same again, and neither would I. 
   As if I was looking into a mirror, watching Mike made me realize what I had become. I was cocky and egotistical, and I treated everyone with little or no respect. I thought of the last words that my music teacher told me before I left for camp: "Remember that you know nothing and you're going there to learn everything." I spoke and wore the mask of that idea, but inside I was just another Mike. 
   In the week that followed, I spent time doing some hard thinking: thinking about all I had learned, how I treated others in the past, and what I planned to do in the future. I had always wanted a leadership position in my school marching band, but I suddenly feared such a responsibility. What if the band members viewed me the same way that the musicians at band camp viewed Mike? Wouldn't my arrogance be a hindrance rather than a help to my marching band? It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't need to worry about these things. By the closing day at camp, Mr. Betts had created at least two men: a new Mike and new me.
   When I returned home from Kendall Betts Band Camp, I advanced a chair in the Greater Baltimore Youth Orchestra. But, I have not let this hard-won accomplishment "go to my head." While I will always remember Mike as an excellent musician, I will never forget what I don't want to be. I have left behind the "picture" of myself as a boy leaving for band camp; however, the picture of a young man who returned, the young man who will always have much to learn, will remain framed and proudly displayed.

Exhibit Preview Close
   Some people say that no one can remember specific events that happened in life before the age of three. I know for a fact that this is untrue because I can remember the exact moment that I met Caro for the first time.
   My mother, perfectly coiffed and perfumed, glided into the room where I sat in my play pen. Of course this was nothing unusual—my mother often entered and exited the family room to make a phone call or sort through the mail. What was unusual was the woman who trailed behind her. She had curly, soft, red hair and sparkling blue eyes. As soon as she saw me, she stopped. A smile formed across the edges of her mouth, and she slowly raised her hand to give me a shy wave. I think that even at that 18-month-old moment, I knew that this woman, this one Carolina Wilhelmina Speicher, would shape the person I would become.
   My mother hired Caro to clean our house, but she gave us much more than crisp linens and dusted shelves. Caro gave our family with five children, of which I was the youngest, a much-needed dose of sanity and comfort. 
   When I was seven years old, my mother returned to school to earn her college degree. With my father at work, my brothers, sisters, and I "ran wild." During the long summers, we often left on our bikes at the start of the day. We climbed trees, waded through creeks, and found various ways to cause trouble. We were accountable to no one and did as we pleased. Having such freedom may seem like a child's greatest wish, and in many ways it was. Still, I silently longed for a scolding, for a sign that someone cared where I was and what I was doing. Caro did exactly that.
   Caro enticed us indoors with cold butter on warm bread. As we sat at the kitchen table, she told us stories of her childhood in Holland during World War II. Her tales of hardship left us awestruck and grateful for each other and our life. On other days, Caro playfully taught us how to read palms. She would lightly hold each of our grubby hands in hers and point out our "life lines" and "love lines." "See!" she would say in her thick Dutch accent that made her th's sound like d's. "Dis shows dat you will have a great love and long life!" 
   Later, Caro would increase the wonder of her tricks by teaching us to read each other's minds. She explained that all people are connected, and that we could communicate with each other using only the power of thought. I tried this out on my brother. I squeezed my eyes shut and sent him a message using mental telepathy: Open the pantry door! My brother wandered around the kitchen, trying desperately to read my thoughts. "Try harder!" Caro would laugh. "You can do it!" 
   I peeked at my brother through one eye, watching him move from place to place. As soon as he approached the pantry door, my eyes flew open. "Yes!" I squealed. "That's what I was thinking! I wanted you to open the pantry door!" Of course, Caro didn't know how to read palms or minds any more than we did, but she filled my heart with hope and optimism. She made me feel that anything was possible.
   As I got older, Caro taught me how to combat cruelty with grace and confidence. When the girls in school teased me ruthlessly, I sobbed in Caro's arms. She stroked my back and wiped away the tears until I had calmed down. Then she whispered wisdom into my ear and told me that I couldn't control those girls, but I could control my own actions. Would I allow those girls to tear me down and believe every awful thing they said about me? No, I would hold my head high, believe in myself, and continue to behave only in kindness. "Dat will make dem very angry!" she laughed as she hugged me tight. 
   Fortunately, Caro's hugs and their healing powers were never in short supply. She helped me through my first broken heart, the death of my beloved dog, and my parents' divorce. What my own mother lacked in warmth and generosity, Caro gave without reservation.
   Last year, Caro left our family to return to hers in Holland. I think she had wanted to go for a long time, but she waited until I was grown and ready for college. Although I miss her deeply, I know that no matter where she is in this world, she lives in me every day. Caro was another mother to me, and she gave me my greatest gifts: a sense of wonder and delight, a lasting belief that anything is possible if I set my mind to it, a clear sense of who I am, and knowledge that even when life is unfair, I still have choices.